Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Moment of Revelation

Last night I had one of the most restless nights sleep, ever.
I tossed and turned for what felt like all night, I may have only got a couple of hours proper sleep.
I think it was due to me doing a lot of life thinking, after reading a number of blogs, and even magazine articles about outlooks on life and periods of change in life, I have realised that I am at one of the times in my life where things are changing, I will soon no longer be a teenager, and living away from home, my lifestyle has adapted. I'm the sort of person who cares too much, about what people think of me, how people see me etc. And due to this, I get treated like dirt. Especially by 'friends' and lads. I'm not saying I'm changing over night, or that I can become someone new. I don't think I'll ever not care, I just need to tread carefully and learn to have a bit of a wall up with certain people.
As of late I have felt very confused, I'm unsure if I feel fulfilled by life, I am unsure whether the degree I am doing is the right one for me, and I'm also unsure what direction I want to take. I am now home at my parents for summer, so for a total of nearly 4 months, and I really need a job, I've always had a job since 16, and going to University, I left my job, and relied on the money I had, and now I've ran out, I'm in a mad panic to work, even 8 hours a week, just to have satisfaction of having my own money. I've asked also as a treat from my mum while I am unemployed, if she will pay for me to join the gym, I feel if I go to the gym, maybe 4 times a week, I really want to loose weight and get fit, I have just lacked drive and motivation, and I'm trying to give myself a right kick up the arse to get this going.
Do any of you out there have any words of motivation?
I understand this was a very rambly post, but I guess I needed it out of my system.


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